just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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