i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
