Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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