Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
