Are we in a gay sports bar?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
