hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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