I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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