There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
