peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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