the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
