and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
