ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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