I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
