I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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