that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
