I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
