I want to walk on stilts...naked
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
