She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
