I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
even my farts smell like vagina
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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