I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
