she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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