Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
