he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
