My cat gives me a boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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