so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
