he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
