this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
