Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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