Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
