Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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