don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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