maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
