I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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