watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
