Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
