You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
