we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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