I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
