capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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