I heard we made out
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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