I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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