Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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