I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
