her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My vagina is officially offended.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
