Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
