your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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