bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
