period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
