Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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