It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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