had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
