Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
