I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.