I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.