there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
