New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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