I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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