My room smells like vodka and shame
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
