Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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