ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
