So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
