omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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