Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
