shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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