I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
