Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
