On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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