sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
