This is not my ceiling
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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