Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
