Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
