Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
