From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
