His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
