A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
