I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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