remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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