i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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