If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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