My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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