If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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