You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
