Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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