terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
