She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
