So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
