I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
