I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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